Do’s and Don’ts at the
Tuesday, April 10, 2001Do’s and Don’ts at the Till - how to get tip-top treatment from Sales Assistants
GENERAL POINTERS
• On entering the shop, do not ask till operators where items are located in the store. We have entered the age of self-service. So go and find it yourself. And if you can’t find what you’re looking for after using your eyes, ask a member of staff milling about the store. That’s what they’re there for.
• When you have your purchase ready to buy, please pay for it and don’t run out of the store with it. This is breaking the law, and it also means that your Sales Assistant may lose their job through profit losses.
• On joining a queue for a till, observe correct queue polarity before doing so. I.e. check. which. way. the. queue. is. going. This will avoid queue brawls, thus avoiding unneccesary stress to your Sales Assistant.
• Whilst in the queue, if you have a crying baby, please remove your sock and place in baby’s mouth.
DO NOT
• Slam your purchases on the counter on reaching the till. This is impolite.
• Spend excessive amounts of time putting your purchases on the counter. This wastes time and is agitating.
• Presume to know special offers better than the staff do. If you seem to think that bottles of fanta are buy one get two free, and your Sales Assistant doesn’t, then don’t waste your breath arguing.
• Smell of wee
• Slobber on the counter
• Talk incoherently
• Assume that your Sales Assistant will know how much ‘this pair of tights are, they haven’t got the price on’ off the top of their head. Most stores contain a huge number of items. This is why tills are used to store price information for them all, and to do complicated maths. For £4 an hour, it is unlikely your Sales Assistant will have learnt the price of each item. Or how to add.
• Assume the till is wrong. Ever. The till is omniscient.
• Empty a bag of copper onto to the counter to pay for your £12.99 CD. It may cause your Sales Assistant to throw things in your general direction.
• Produce a switch card to pay for your copy of Glamour magazine. It may cause your Sales Assistant to become irate, question your signature and not authorise the sale.
• Throw a stinkbomb into the retail establishment if you were not happy with the treatment you received from your Sales Assistant. Revenge may be sweet, but it can cause your Sales Assistant to feel suicidal. Their job is already miserable as it is. Don’t make it worse by making their environment smell like your bottom.
DO
• Have a fairly accurate idea of how much your purchases will come to. Get your method of payment ready. If you fail to do this, you may look like a fool whilst you flap and get your purse/wallet out. You may look even more of a fool if you fail to count your money correctly. So ensure that you do.
• Smile at the Sales Assistant, if you want them to smile back. It’s a two way process.
• Realise that not all Sales Assistants are in fact morons, and that some of them have brains.
• Accept that if you want a refund, and you paid in vouchers, you *have to have vouchers back*. Exercise common sense.
• Politely accept the bag you’re given. If you want a bigger bag to put your argos catalogue in as well, you should have brought one from home. Sales Assistants are not keen on giving out ample baggage because a) it’s not good for the environment and b) they might run out. Running out of bags is a major cause of retail stress.
Follow these simple guidelines and shopping will be a much more pleasant experience for the world as a whole.
©2001 Simon Pearson (Part time till boy)
[Blimey, am i beginning to sound like amber yet?]
