Simon Pearson - minor9th.com

On the run again

posted in Life, London

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Just to keep things interesting, we’re on the move again - this time to leafy Ealing. We never really planned on staying in SlightlyRubbishFlat(TM) for too long - it was always a stepping stone to somewhere a bit nicer once we’d found our feet. Not that we’ll regret living here - we’ve so enjoyed being passively stoned 5 nights a week (hello, downstairs neighbours), we’ve become adept at the use of the plunger, and been generally far too embarrassed to invite anyone round. The following improvements differentiate our next abode from our current dive:

• Windows in places which actually let in light!
• Fully functional toilet (with two different flush settings)
• A see-through vacuum cleaner (ooooooh)
• A dishwasher and a tumble dryer (well hello, Mr Environmental Guilt!)
• A little dining table for little dinner parties
• Rooms big enough to swing cats*
• Lovely big parks within walking distance (a million times nicer than Shepherd’s** Bush Green)
• Cream carpets. Red wine is banned***

All in all, looks pretty good. The only snag is, for various reasons we’re now moving two days before Christmas. Also, it looks likely that our rhinoviruses may well have to come with us if they refuse to shift beforehand. All of which leads me to believe that this is not going to go particularly smoothly. If anyone has any soothing moving advice, please feel free to dispense it in the comments.

* I grabbed a cat’s tail one day in 1985, perhaps in an effort to swing it around. I now have a slightly scarred face and a much greater respect for cats. They don’t like being swung.

** Is Shepherd’s Bush supposed to have an apostrophe? Times says no. Googlefight definitely says no. I’m very wrong.

*** Hahaha! Not!