On Superman Returns…
Thursday, July 27, 2006We saw Superman Returns last night at London’s IMAX, and if you’re planning on seeing it then I recommend you browse away IMMEDIATELY because I’m about to spoil everything for you in quite some graphic, cape-tearing detail.
I’d forgotten about the wonder of the Y-front-shaped 3D glasses and the resultant action scenes which occur in your face. Brilliant. The music was rousing, Lois was a bit of a feisty madam, and clever with it (except that she’s still fooled by Clark’s not-very-convincing glasses), and the kid – despite having two of the sexiest citizens of Metropolis for parents – still ended up looking like a mini Mark Owen. How did that happen?
Which leads me to another thing – when did Superman have the time between saving old grannies to get Ms Lane up the duff? I know he’s a speedy guy, but surely if he’d been too hasty there’d've been chafing? Either way I’m glad we didn’t have to see the deed. I bet it was all awkward with Superman getting his cape caught on the doorhandle whilst fumbling with Lois’ bra, and Lois struggling with his sewn-on outer pants. And I bet she was a complete skank and had a quick ciggie afterwards too. Bleurgh.
Despite these distressing thoughts, I really enjoyed the film. Every single role was cast perfectly in my eyes, and though it wasn’t particularly mind-shattering, I’m definitely looking forward to the next instalment. I might even go back and watch all the originals again and overcome my paralysing fear of the robot woman in Superman III…
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Gosh, robot lady used to give me recurring nightmares as a kid. Yet I had this strange compulsion to watch Superman III quite frequently. This might explain my career.
Jon Deane
on July 27th, 2006
My big brother used to do impressions of robot lady to terrify me as a kid :-(
edan
on July 28th, 2006
In many ways your description of Superman’s bedroom action may have put me off Supes forever. This makes you a bad man.
Matthew
on July 29th, 2006
Pleased to be of service :)
Simon
on July 29th, 2006
I so can’t wait to see SR at the IMAX. It will be AMAZING. And I’m very proud of myself for not reading everything on that page and thus not spoilering it for me. A total first ;)
Kat
on August 2nd, 2006