Weeknotes 2020 #6: the evolution of lockdown man


This week I have mostly been in zoom.

Otherwise, I have been evolving through the stages of lockdown like a basic middle-class London gay, it seems.

The stages as I understand them:

Stage 1: bring it on ✅

  • Start baking bread (technically this happened in January so ner)
  • Take pictures of empty local streets on lockdown walk
  • Hunt toilet roll like a sport
  • Set work level to 150%
  • Zoom quizzes with friends seem like a great idea
  • What will I achieve will all this extra lockdown time?
  • Watch the peak with fascination

Stage 2: this is fine… ✅

  • Photos of bread good enough to share on instagram stories for cheap likes
  • Sorry, your zoom call can’t be longer than 40 minutes
  • Drink more cider than usual, talk about this with everyone
  • Hunt flour and gardening materials only to find everyone else did this already

Stage 3: oh. ✅

  • Feel pangs of guilt about photos of bread due to medium thinkpiece bread outrage and lack of originality
  • Fight to stay in any kind of Duolingo league
  • Sorry, your zoom calls can’t total more than 100 hours in one week
  • Stop calling friends in the evenings
  • Argue with people on nextdoor saying people walking dogs in parks should be arrested for doing so too much

Stage 4: oh no. ✅

  • Weight panic
  • Track and post exercise activities for cheap likes
  • Zoom pilates, inexplicably
  • Rationing crisps to every other day
  • Wishing the house clearout had really finished before all this.

Stage 5: oh dear. ⬅

  • Feel guilty about photos of exercise
  • Really discovering the nuance and detail and depth in the neighbourhood
  • Hair in eyes
  • Talking to the neighbours for the first time in over ten years – properly
  • All kinds of culinary inventions, cravings and soothings: risottos, bakes, roasts, all with a little more time and chance to repeat
  • Fume about dishwasher breaking
  • Humble and thankful that fuming about the dishwasher breaking is the worst thing happening
  • Chug through some more Netflix to escape a bit (Unorthodox: good; Better Call Saul: I Can’t Believe This Isn’t The End; Tiger King: how are these people not AI creations)
  • How did we live before and why?
  • No longer watching the virus peak but wondering about the complexity of it all
  • Need break from work
  • Make a meta blogpost about the stages of lockdown to procrastinate from the mechanics of having a break

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